It's time we outlaw cats and dogs, too

After 6 years of trying to support the cause of urban chickens, I've had a change of heart.

The reasons often cited for keeping chickens from within city limits seem reasonable, right?

• they make too much noise
• they produce too much smelly poop
• they spread disease
• they'll lead to over-crowding conditions

So, to heck with trying to legalize chickens in the city!

And just so we're safe from any of these problems an animal in the city might cause, we best simply ban all animals from urban settings, including those "beloved" cats and dogs. Here's why:

Noise
Yes, hens can cluck and bawk from sun up to sun down. But then they stop once they're in the coop at night. So if you're trying to sleep during the day since the neighbor dog barked his fool head off in the backyard because his owners left him out while they were on their own date night, those pesky chickens will keep you from catching Zs while the sun is up. Oh, and once you shut the hens up, good luck getting that nap in if your cat is hungry!

Smelly Poop
Have you ever driven by an industrial-sized chicken coop out in the country on a hot and humid summer day? The stink is enough to make you cry! That's why anyone keeping thousands of chickens confined in one small space should do so well away from anyone else's open windows.

How many of you have friends with dogs that you don't dare walk on their grass for fear of stepping in a steaming pile of dog love? Or at the neighborhood park? Or even on the sidewalk down the block?

And how about that friend of yours who has cats with a litter box in the guest bath? Nothing like stepping on scattered litter and holding your nose while doing your business next to where the cats (try to) do theirs. Litter boxes do need to be changed, right? I mean, when the cat starts eliminating anywhere but in the box because the smell is too bad for the cat, we've crossed a line, right?

Spreading Disease
Bird flu. Salmonella. Rabies. Distemper. Toxoplasmosis. They're all dirty creatures (so are humans). But somehow we've managed the risk. But better safe than sorry, so ban them all from human contact!

Over-Crowding
Puppy Mills and Crazy Cat Ladies. Enough said.

BONUS: Menaces to Society
Dogs: Each day, about 1,000 US citizens require emergency care treatment for a dog bite injury.
Cats: cats kill more than 1 billion birds per year.
Chickens: I got nothing. But I'm sure there's a killer rooster planning something soon.

So, given the inconveniences of keeping animals around that we're not going to eat for dinner, let's ban them all. Shall we start with a ban on cats in houses that have no yard or and only a single bathroom?


PS A little research to share with you. Type "Why I hate..." into Google and this is the results list:

• why I hate dogs: 55.9 million results 
• why I hate cats: 29.4 million
• why I hate chickens: 7.3 million

Dog lovers definitely need a better PR campaign. That, or the cat lovers are already waging a successful war against the dogs. Oh, and fish? Beware, you're on the bubble!